I hear my mother's voice saying 'you're such a selfish child Faith'

I hear my mother's voice saying, 'you're such a selfish child, Faith'. Like many women, I was trained from an early age to care for others For the first time I'm learning to look after myself.". Knitwear has been quite staid in recent years. Two weeks of hell; in bed, the blinds shuttered, incapable of looking after myself. My life was reduced to the journey between my flat and the off-licence I was at the end of the road. I knew then with every fibre of my being that my drinking had to stop."Since that last detox, I've attended the Women's Alcohol Centre every day It's my lifeline Being in a women-only group has given me support and safety.

I can be open without the fear that a man will make advances I have acupuncture which relaxes me. I had to wait two weeks before my third detox admission but I had to keep drinking because my GP wouldn't let me stop without clinical supervision. I resented it, but I didn't dare be confrontational and risk losing the deal Drinking numbed my feelings of discomfort. I gradually pulled away from the music business, but I was still using alcohol to suppress my real feelings.

I was a single parent and suffering the aftermath of an abusive relationship with my son's father. I was full of rage and grief but also guilt for leaving my violent ex. I wanted to be a dutiful mother, daughter and wife, a perfect woman with no inner turmoil."Drinking amplifies emotional problems. Three years ago I had a nervous breakdown and became agoraphobic My son went to live with his father. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and my drinking got worse. In my head I knew I had an alcohol problem but there is a world of difference between intellectual knowledge and a gut feeling."About a year ago all the feelings of claustrophobia, guilt, failure and fear surfaced I was mentally all over the place I had two detox admissions and two relapses. Working as a solo woman in a male- dominated world increased the pressures and the need to drink I was expected to do far more than a man.

Sometimes I'd be in the office at midnight, working and drinking, trying to be superwoman."I always had to be on my guard. Boundaries get blurred in bistros and there were often sexual undercurrents, a 'you be nice to me and I'll be nice to you' message from guys who held the purse strings. Knowing she can't stop at one glass, she drinks water between wine and several nights a week she doesn't drink at all. "Instead of waking up wishing I hadn't opened that third bottle, I feel clear-headed and pleased with myself," she says. "Cutting down has definitely been easier than I thought it would."8 For information or advice: Alcohol Concern: 0171-928 7377; Women's Alcohol Centre 0171-226 4581; Drinkline 0345 320202'i'd be in the office at midnight, working and drinking, trying to be superwoman'Faith, 39, recovering alcoholic"I started drinking in earnest in the Eighties, the greedy Thatcher years. I was managing bands and running an independent record company with my then partner The more successful we got, the more alcohol was consumed.