The catch is that you have to sign up for a minimum of one year with penalties of between

The catch is that you have to sign up for a minimum of one year, with penalties of between pounds 100 and pounds 200 for cancelling before then. But if your lover lives far away, this is the mobile phone for you Call 0990 214000 Nic Cicutti. James RuppertMore Motoring, page 6Deal of the weekMobile phone customers who sign up to Cellnet will be offered a Two For Free deal: free evening and weekend calls to two UK fixed-line numbers of their choice, until 31 December 1999.One million current Cellnet First and Cellnet core digital customers who sign up before the end of June will also benefit. It's therefore much less practical.Never mind, it looks so cute.

Official imports will start later this year - left-hand-drive only and will also cost somewhere in the region of pounds 18,000.However, the cheapest I have seen are offered at the by EuroAuto (01628 473311): T-registered, with air conditioning, alloy wheels, a choice of colours and a dashboard-mounted flower vase (honest) All this for just pounds 15,995 on the road. Rosalind RussellMore Property, pages 7 & 8Car of the weekIt's Beetlemania of course. Why else would buyers be prepared to pay around pounds 18,000 for an unofficial import of the latest Volkswagen Beetle? In case you have missed all the hype, the Beetle is really a current-generation VW Golf, but with a much more characterful body on top. With its walled garden and farmland views, the cottage would make an attractive family or holiday home, say agents Brown & Co (01945 464747), who are giving a guide price of pounds 60,000. But its half-acre, triangular-shaped plot provides scope for imaginative renovation. The village, once on the trunk road to Peterborough, is now by-passed, cutting down traffic considerably.

He says: "Who decides what a bad pint is? What are you going to do - take the pint along to your insurance company and ask them to analyse it?". Property of the week Prepare to strip in earnest if you take on Scrimshaws, a Georgian-fronted Fenland cottage five miles from King's Lynn. The wallpaper is probably seven or eight layers deep, but that would be the least of the renovations required. Untouched for years, the two-bedroom cottage has no central heating and a downstairs bathroom, so probably needs extending on two floors at the back to make into a decent three-bedroom house with an upstairs bathroom; and it would certainly need a new kitchen.

A policy against waking up next to an ugly person would cost you pounds 150, and could pay out pounds 200.However, Malcolm Tarling, spokesman at the Association of British Insurers, is unimpressed. You'd probably have to get a written declaration from your wife that you couldn't get it up."If there was a pre-existing medical condition, then that would be excluded, and obviously one would have a `14 pints of lager' exclusion."The temporary impotence policy is often bought not by the poten- tial claimant himself, but by friends anxious to add some spice to the best man's speech.Already on Grip's books with similar policies are US President Bill Clinton - insured by a Republican rival as a publicity stunt - and a porn star named Huw Jardon.Grip's cover against such perils as getting served a bad pint in the pub would cost pounds 20 and the potential payout would be pounds 30. The firm's underwriting director, Simon Burgess, says: "In all these cases, the devil is in the detail, and the burden of proof would be on you. In return, they could expect a payout of up to pounds 500 if they failed to rise to the occasion. The policies are sold by insurance agents Goodfellows Rebecca Ingrims Pearson (Grip), an insurer known for marketing "straight" policies, such as accident and unemployment cover, as well as "frivolous" insurance, including protection against virgin births.But when it comes to meeting claims, Grip is far from a soft touch. Its May edition concludes that readers would have to pay an annual premium of pounds 20 for this particular cover.